History Schmistory, March 18: Start Your Engines!
Tuesday, March 18, 2025
1858. Rudolf Diesel, German engineer and Diesel motor inventor, is born. He wears cool clothes, but, turns down a part in “Fast and Furious.”
History Schmistory: St. Patrick’s Day
Monday, March 17, 2025
St. Patrick’s Day is observed on March 17 because that is the feast day of St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland. It is believed that he died on March 17 in the year 461 AD.
History Schmistory, March 16: Who’s Yer Daddy, Chris?
Sunday, March 16, 2025
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reaches Philippines. Magellan had survived eighteen months at sea, but he was killed in battle in the Philippines. A local warrior persuaded Magellan to defeat his rival in battle. Most of Magellan’s men considered the battle both pointless and dangerous, so they refused to participate. Magellan was hit with a poison arrow in the battle and died. One of Magellan’s five ships did make it back to Spain, only twelve days less than three years after their journey started. Only one ship and eighteen sailors remained of the 265 men accompanied Magellan.History Schmistory: Yo Ferdman & Izzy–I’m back!
Saturday, March 15, 2025
1493. Christopher Columbus returns to Spain after 1st new world voyage. He brings potatoes, stories of Indians, and “Dancing with the Stars.”
History Schmistory: February 23. The world looks mighty good to me.
Sunday, February 23, 2025
1896: The Tootsie Roll is invented, and gives rise to an unusual morphological phenomenon…
History Schmistory: February 21. “The new phone book’s here, the new phone book’s here!”
Friday, February 21, 2025
1878: The first telephone book is issued in New Haven, Connecticut. It was basically one cardboard page with a list of 50 businesses that could afford to have telephones. There was no number system yet, as every connection could be made by one operator at a switchboard. Over the next hundred years the phonebook took a giant step, partly by becoming just that; a giant step, perfect for reaching the cookie jar and other such unobtainables. Today it appears the phone book is doomed of extinction. Should we do away with phone books altogether? Who knows, maybe in another hundred years, they might be the only thing left to keep us warm. Let’s hope not.
-In the meantime here’s some other cool stuff you can do with them…
History Schmistory: February 20. Hofer heaven’s sake!
Thursday, February 20, 2025
1810: Andreas Hofer, a humble Tirolean innkeeper turned patriot, who became the leader of a rebellion against Napoleon’s forces, is executed by firing squad under Napoleon’s order to “give him a fair trial, then shoot him.” Hofer refused a blindfold, passing money to the corporal with orders to “shoot straight”. In his final letter Hofer proclaimed; “Goodbye disappearing world! Dying is so easy that my eyes have no tears.” Today he is regarded as a national hero in Tirol and much of Austria and Germany. Even has a four star hotel named after him. As a former innkeeper, he probably would appreciate that.
History Schmistory: February 22. “As bad as Moose Murders?”
Thursday, February 20, 2025
1983: After 13 dismal previews, the notorious Broadway flop Moose Murders opens and closes on the same night at the Eugene O’Neill Theatre. It is now basically the standard by which all horrible plays that find their way to the Broadway stage are compared, and it pretty much loses every time. NY critics were literally in competition to see who could write the most witheringly scornful review.
Here’s some highlights:
“…The only stage play I ever saw presented in stereo-odoriferous Smellovision.” -John Simon
“Those of us who have witnessed the play… will undoubtedly hold periodic reunions, in the noble tradition of survivors of the Titanic.” -Frank Rich
“…Would insult the intelligence of an audience consisting entirely of amoebas†-Brendan Gill
In fairness, we have never seen or read the play, but from the reviews it seems likely that Eugene O’Neill didn’t just roll in his grave, he’s been rotating on a spit ever since. Zing!
History Schmistory: February 15. Words From Columbus!
Thursday, February 20, 2025
February 15, 1493. Columbus writes a letter describing (and exaggerating) his voyage.
History Schmistory: February 19. It’s people!!
Wednesday, February 19, 2025
1847: The first group of rescuers reaches the Donner Party. Sadly, they arrived just after the main course.